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my Worth in a Number

I will not find my worth here, my daughters are watching.

I refuse to chase, I refuse to seek worth from an app or from a number.
As the mother of daughters, I literally weep at the whispers we say to ourselves. We owe ourselves more, we owe it to them.
I had eye surgery last week and as I showed up to my daughters performance I kept thinking why does it feel so raw to come here fake eyelashes removed, no makeup…. vulnerable. So silly. And then as my heart began to beat fast I realized the whisper that I’ve believed for 36 years of life. My worth lies in other people’s hands.
It doesn’t.
It doesn’t lie in likes or applause or compliments. It doesn’t lie in rejection or acceptance. It doesn’t come in a number on a scale or the words from someone else’s mouth. My worth doesn’t lie in any number. It doesn’t sit with makeup or not but in how my heart receives all of it.
I look at us, sisters- and I feel like we could agree. We are tired. Whether it be comparison or words spoken over is that were never meant to stick.
I refuse to chase. Who is with me? Tired and worn out from the run, ready to exhale and except the truth of my worth. I see us like a united unstoppable wave- coming together to shout the same narrative,
our worth isn’t found here.
Your whisper might become hers, she’s watching.

Motherhood

November 24, 2019

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