With our commute in to take Aiden to school I have more time in the car, which means more time to just be still and think. More time to reflect on how I feel like God is moving in my heart, more time to think about being intentional, more time for all the thoughts.
Someone recently shared this writing with me for parents about how there is always a last time and it made my heart just ache. Like really ache. I mean, I sooo love watching them grow and soar and change but the reality of the last times really is hard in some ways. In reading the list I realized how many had already passed. Like there was a moment I had Aiden on my hip, I set him down and without even realizing it, it had been the very last time I would ever hold him that way. The big moments are easier to recognize as they pass but some of those little moments are sneaky, they slowly slip away and it isn’t until time has passed that you realize that they are gone forever.
Of course you gain new moments that are worth everything, but those sweet little moments with tiny hands and eager hearts are slipping. And it makes me ache sometimes when I face it.
Chris has been in Africa for two weeks, he finally will get home on Saturday but each night I have fallen asleep with one of my kiddos in my arms. Sometimes I feel like I can’t hold them tight enough or long enough….even when I feel like I am soaking in every last drop of their smallness, sometimes it feels like that isn’t enough.
I am okay with the ache though. I love them so much and know that the world needs people like them in it. Watching them grow into those people will be life’s greatest blessing to me.
i love you babies.