With Mother’s Day approaching this weekend I have been thinking a lot about being a mama and what a beautiful responsibility it is. I have wanted to be a mama for as long as I can remember back. I love working with kids, I love their sweet little spirits and the precious innocence about them. I love how each of ours are so different yet share that common thread. Each night I walk down our halls as the floors squeak with each passing step and I stand in awe that they are mine. The gratitude is never ceasing.
These are the days that I dreamed of, the days that I lived for. My heart aches a bit as I see them passing. The moments of Ainsleigh in her big dress-up glasses, wild hair and a microphone in hand. As the spaghetti pot is boiling over and Aiden is plugging in the ipad to the kitchen speakers for a dance party! The Frozen soundtrack blares and I notice the chicken has come in from outside and it is now eating the dogfood. Apple is laughing and in a moment everything hits slow motion. Ainsleigh’s twirl suddenly feels like a slow spin from a movie scene. Time is passing yet the moment is slowed, just for a moment…so that i can breathe it in and let it linger. We spend our days running a race in our own homes. A race against returning emails, responding to texts, tackling the laundry and paying the bills. We have a deadline here and school project there. We have daily life. But is daily life stealing from the now. Tonight the cool lingering air froze for a moment as I watched them. This is my life. This is it, the moments that I have longed for. This right here is what life is about.
Aiden says to me, ” Mama I love you the most. The most of any mama anywhere!” His words land on me and they sit awhile. I am his. His only mama, his everything.
My babies are one of the things that has given me life. They make me want to be better, they make me want to grow and soar and be the best version of myself. They make me want to be brave. Being a mother is one of the things that has made me the most real. Feel the most intensely in my life. Cry the hardest and face myself in the most intense way possible. It has shown me love in a way that I desperately hoped was real. An innocent, pure, unconditional love. In the purest most beautiful form.
Happy Mother’s day mamas.