For a lifetime I have struggled with this question. Do you see me? For my lifetime. Since a little girl I have placed my worth in the wrong hands and in a losing battle I rip back my trust and worth and place it in the right hands. His hands. Lately when I step into the restroom to get ready in the morning I see a small shadow creep in behind me. Tiny feet tiptoe in and slowly the creaky old door closes next to me. I see her pull up a stepstool and with big, watchful eyes she begins to copy me. Her hair falls sweetly down by her little cheek and with an innocent and hopeful gleam in her eye she asks me, ” mama am I beautiful?“
I almost wince as the words leave her lips. She is so beautiful. Her perfect little lips, bright blue eyes and button nose. The way her curls fall perfectly down her back and the sweet sun kissed spots that glow on her cheeks. “Baby girl you are so beautiful. I see you and you take my breath away.”
I want her to know that she is beautiful and that I see her and cherish her. But I also want her to know as she grows older that her value rests elsewhere. How do we raise a woman of Godly confidence? As the mama of two little girls I am often more aware of my words and actions. Before when insecurites would hold me back, hold me captive in a prison cell, now I can walk with my head held high. I have little eyes upon me and that is a big responsibility. Little eyes trump insecure.
The time in the morning with my little Ainsleigh is a time I cherish. I can only hope & pray that she will still ask me to brush her hair and have sweet little convos over the bathroom sink as she grows. Never a moment taken for granted in these sweet shapable years. She loves all things girlie and squeals with excitement as I put sparkles on her cheeks and pink on her toenails. This time opens the floodgates to all kinds of conversations and innocent questions. A curious heart.
Today I had an hour in between things and Chris had an hour before his shoot so I grabbed Ains and took her on a quick date. Chris took Aiden the night before for some one on one time at putt-putt and so we headed out just us girls. The windows down, her golden curls waved in the wind and as I looked in the rearview mirror she held up the sign language sign for I love you.
Baby girl, don’t chase what I chased. Don’t let the world strip you raw as you try to have all the wrong things tell you your worth. Don’t take broken hearts and shattered feelings to land you where you need to be to finally find yourself. Learn from my mistakes. Chase Him. not them.
Audience of one baby girl.