I am holding my breath to even write this post. Last week we went to a Kindergarten information meeting at a school that we think the world of. I looked up at the ceiling, bit my lip and did everything I could possibly do to not let the tears start flowing in front of everyone in the room. My leg shook and my heart flooded.
Have I done enough?
Next year if we decide to send him to school, have I done enough?
It will change everything. It will mark a new time, a new season. It will be the beginning of years and years of his days spent with someone else. I basically am handing over my trust. My soul, my life, my love.
Have I spent my days wisely?
Have I soaked in every minute?
Have I held him in the hammock with nowhere to go and no agenda to meet?
Have we made muffins every morning and played outside until the sun begins to set?
Have we stayed up past bedtime and have I taught him how to be?
Have I laughed with him until our tummies ache? and does he know that he is my world?
Does he see God in me?
Does he know how to love, and how to be?
Can I even let him go?
Can I even pry my hands open to let my little angel soar?
I have made the decision in my heart (and of course Chris too) that if he is accepted to this school we will take the leap. It is a two day kinder program ( the other 5 days spent at home)and I believe it is a great first step to see which direction we want to go with Aiden and school. I desperately want to hold on…but I can’t let my fears be pushed on to him…and the best for Aiden is to try this.
The little boy that made me a mama, came into this world and rocked my heart forever… my Aiden who makes my heart swell. It’s his time.
My mama heart is proud.
He is such a sensitive, precious, amazing boy…I can’t believe he is mine.
My heart aches with how much I love him.
The countdown has begun. The time is coming.