Yes. Each of my children capture me in their own way. Each moves my soul like music on a perfect day.
Yesterday I sat in the backyard, the hot sun on my back and was digging my hands deep into the soil searching for worms & “stinky” bugs as Aiden says. He kept encouraging me. “Mom you are doing such a good job.” We would inspect the doodle bugs and we choose which leaves and sticks would be best for the afternoon in their little jars.
The day I found out I was having a little boy I dreamed of these days. I dreamed of toy cars and hot summer days digging for worms.
I knew it would be magical.
I didn’t know he would call me a princess when I put on a maxi dress.
I didn’t know that he would tell me that he missed me when I started to get ready to leave for a quick trip to the grocery store or be the one who would cry saying goodbye as I stepped out of the car to leave on a jet plane.
I didn’t know that he would ask me questions like ” how do you think God knew I wanted you to be my mom?”
One of my dearest friends told me this year…age 4… would be the year that he would step out on his own a bit more. Of course I want him to grow and thrive and change and become. Become the boy and the man that God has created him to be. But oh how I will desperately miss these days.
I am such a child at heart and being around these tiny, precious souls filled with wonderment and innocence is like medicine to my very being. I am so in love with them.
SO much of me is in Aiden.
Little man, you have me. My whole heart.
Trying desperately to love over here with open hands and not try to squeeze the very last breath out of this beautiful time.