I have a few very specific moments in my life where I can remember, even a a very young age, thinking- I need to freeze this. I need to freeze how I feel and put it somewhere deep inside me forever.
The first time I ever did this, I was 5 years old and it was the day of my very first gymnastics meet. We were at the swimming pool and I had about an hour before we were going to leave and go get ready for the meet. I was in a lawn chair beside the pool, beads of water were beginning to slowly dry up from the hot sun blazing down on me. Not a cloud in the sky. I can remember looking down at my toes, dangling over the edge of the chair & thinking “I want to remember this moment for the rest of my life.” I wanted to remember the nerves, the excitement, the pride- I wanted to freeze a piece of it and carry it always.
Just a few years later I remember a specific Christmas Eve that I did this for a second time. I was staring at the beautiful lights, the fire was going and the Christmas music was softly playing. It was the year I was going to get my very first playhouse and the excitement and wonder in that had captured my heart.
I remember thinking…this is one of those moments.
I want to remember this feeling.
The same little girl at age 5 that looked down at her toes to remember a feeling, was now 22 doing it again. Only this time the doors to the church were about to swing open and I would get to marry my best friend. I knew that we would change and grow and experience and I wanted to capture that love in my heart as a young girl.
I gave it a spot on my shelf.
A few days ago I was outside on the porch in the hammock with Ainsleigh. Aiden was beside me laughing and Apple was in a peaceful slumber. The hammock was swinging and the warm Texas sun was gleaming behind Ainsleigh’s head. She was holding on with her arms around my neck and was smiling ear to ear.
Dimples showing, happiness abounding.
This was a moment.
I need this one to go on the shelf.
It deserves a spot among the feelings and memories and images captured. I want to remember her at age 2. And Aiden age 3. And Apple 6 months. I want to remember how I felt as a mom to them now. And what their spirits exude at this particular age.
In this particular moment.
I want to bottle up my love for them. Their sweetness.
This was a forever feeling.