I pretty rarely have any kind of conflict in my life. I stay way away from it because I generally don’t handle it all that well. It makes me feel really uneasy.
With that said,
there is someone that I have to work with myself daily not to dislike greatly. This girl hurt me and its a daily choice of forgiveness in my heart. A daily dying to myself.
Don’t you wish it were so easy to forgive once and be done?
It’s really ugly sometimes.
Sometimes I have a fear of her being successful.
Sometimes I have a desire to be successful to prove something to her.
Sometimes I have a desire to feel beautiful so that I don’t feel threatened by her.
I know when I worry about this it is just hurting me…. I mean she’s not sitting around thinking about me. I know I have freedom when I forgive. When I love her.
There are some days that are really hard to do that.
There are days that I have to consciously decide to not be bitter at this person. I choose love day after day. I choose forgiveness day after day
And maybe somewhere along the way it will become “natural” and organic? Someday it will be less of a choice. And more of a natural reaction. This is my hope. and my prayer. I don’t want to carry it. I don’t want to have to always have to “choose” love….I want it to be who I am…even with people that I would normally dislike.
” He restores what has been broken and heals what has been wounded. I don’t have peace because I figured it all out. I have peace because I believe in Christ.”
-a beautiful offering