I sat earlier today staring at Apple…actually staring at each of my kiddos thinking about how much I longed for each one. There was something different this time though, having suffered a loss before Apple.
Maybe a deeper appreciation for my kids.
I ached for a baby, I longed for her.
I have longed for each one. and love each one with my life.
I have had a lot of my friends who have miscarried say the same thing that I say now, “I had no idea how sad that would be or how much that would hurt me.“
I really had no idea.
After my miscarriage I felt like I was walking around so vulnerable, so raw- just like I had a huge open wound. And everyone kept “bumping into it” and hurting it. (unintentionally)
but it was open and it hurt.
This whole last pregnancy was different.
A lot of fear, a lot of longing.
And now….here I sit, holding this sweet little angel.
Like a little sign of hope.
I have a lot of close friends in my “real” life going through such heavy stuff- all of it looks different but the sadness, the longing, the anger- it all can be related to.
I asked permission to share part of an email with you all, this is from one of my dearest friend’s sister- her husband is sick:
“For sure busy days and a lot going on, but I’m trying to take things one day at a time. Some moments I’m good. Some are rough. On me and him. I find myself having times when I cry in the shower or cry myself to sleep BEGGING the Lord to heal him and to not take him from me and other nights, it’s a calm prayer of surrender, asking Him to take the “night watch” knowing that my vigilance through the night can’t “save him” if something were to happen while we sleep. I do wake each morning with prayers of thankfulness on my lips that I have another day with him by my side. I know we are going to get through this.
I appreciate each of you praying and offering support.
Hold your husbands tight. Love them well. Offer gratitude to Christ for health. I’ve never imagined having this kind of fear, so be thankful for healthy loved ones. Forgive easily. Offer grace. Say “I love you” often. Health truly is a gift I had taken for granted prior to this.”
Absolute sobbing after reading this. Then when I asked Deb if I could share it, this was the response from her sweet sis:
It is something worth sharing b/c this situation has taught me a lesson about life and love. You can be cruisin right along with life and then you get rocked by bad news. I’m more aware of the faithfulness of the Lord because I don’t believe He wants me to raise this little boy without his daddy. If it helps someone else or draws someone closer to their spouse and/or the Lord, then absolutely.
Then, (which I normally don’t share stuff like this but it was an encouragement to me today) Deb wrote
“Your blog has definitely become more than just a family memory saver…. You have been given a gift that has allowed you to connect to not only people that you physically meet, but more amazingly to those who you will likely never meet….im grateful that there are people like you that are not afraid to speak of Jesus and who help to remind us just how precious and fragile life truly is……… I’ll keep you posted! Hug those sweet babies a little longer tonight!”
Forgive easily. Offer grace. Say “I love you” often.
Blogs can bring such a beautiful community. they can connect in a really amazing way.
When you have been through things that have broken you, rocked you to your core, changed you….
you may find yourself sensitive to this,
you understand the importance of loving well and offering kindness.
you appreciate the little things.