I was Looking through this old book I read years ago. I honestly rarely have time to read but something was pulling me to look at it –so I did.
“distinction between memorizing a definition of a rose in websters dictionary & actually holding one in your hand…”
Picking a fresh rose,
with fresh rain droplets on it
pulling it to your face
and smelling it….
Experiencing the rose first hand.
That is different than memorizing the definition of it.
I was thinking about this when it comes to a relationship with God. I mentioned last week entitlement and I was thinking about it again with this. So many of us are still looking to others to fill voids that we should be getting filled by experiencing, truly experiencing, God.
I struggle with being insecure.
I tend to be a perfectionist when it comes to myself.
But the truth is if I sought my confidence in Him and stopped trying to let other things fill it, it would be so much better.
Geez. If it were only so easy.
I do think that for us women it’s hard. Comparisons are hard. What we expect of ourselves is hard.
Some days I go to bed and feel like a complete failure.
It usually goes something like this…
The house is a mess.
My kids ate Eggo waffles for dinner.
I didn’t go out of my way to connect with chris.
My heart has been telling me to call a certain friend and I keep ignoring it.
I have so many unanswered emails.
I didnt take the dogs for a walk.
My dreams seem so unreachable today.
Then it usually leads into this…
You’re not pretty enough
Or nice enough
and you stink at house chores and cooking
and nobody could love you.
talk about being hard on yourself.
I remember one of the things I took away from Blog Sugar last year was that I don’t have to do it all.
It’s okay if I am not the best at cooking meals every night, or if my house looks like a toy tornado blew through.
It sounds so simple but it can be so freeing.
I think it’s hard to not feel like a failure.
Atleast for some of us.
I think it’s hard to not make Chris or friendships or other things fill my every need.
I think some days it’s hard to remember it’s okay.
and….sometimes it’s nice to know others feel like this too.