*This picture perfectly shows Aiden in the mornings. For those who have followed awhile, you know his blankies are actually Chris & I’s pillowcases that he started taking off of our pillows and carrying around. He now is attached to two specific ones….ba and two ba!
When I was a young girl a dear friend of mine was killed in a car accident. Actually all of the siblings but one died. It was horrible. It was a lot for me, as a little person, to wrap my mind around. I had spent the night in their home weeks before the accident…then suddenly they were all gone. I remember my mom took me to the funeral and there was an open casket. It was terrible, looking in at your small friend and her 2 sisters and their teeny baby brother all in tiny caskets lined up. It was like a nightmare.
They looked cold, and lifeless.
Years and years later, now as a mama I look at that whole horrible story even differently. As a little girl I wasn’t able to think about those parents the way I do now.
How do you cope with losing 4 children?
As awful as this sounds sometimes when Im holding Aiden or Ains…when I feel their hot skin against my cheek I stop and thank God that they are hot, breathing, laughing…..alive. I think, “please God let there not be a moment when I feel them cold, begging back their ‘heat’.”
Thank goodness we have hope in heaven.
We are snuggle bugs over here. Recently we were at a play area and Ainsleigh was walking around to all the other kids and kissing them. I couldn’t help but laugh. She gets snuggled, hugged and kissed constantly…it is what she knows.
Tonight I was snuggling them both, we were laying in bed getting ready for bedtime and Aiden was holding me tight. It’s so sweet, the more he talks the more aware I am of what he is thinking and feeling. “I yo, mommy”.
He will see a cut on me, “oh no mommy! whah hoppeened, mommy crying??”
He loves me.
It is true raw emotion.
Please…help me freeze time.
I thank God for these moments…. how do I soak this in?
I am a sensitive soul. I think differently. I am constantly aware of life and how fragile it is.
I know we can’t live in fear…this is something I am working on…open hands.