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forgiving.
I pretty rarely have any kind of conflict in my life. I stay way away from it because I generally don’t handle it all that well. It makes me feel really uneasy.
With that said,
there is someone that I have to work with myself daily not to dislike greatly. This girl hurt me and its a daily choice of forgiveness in my heart. A daily dying to myself.
Don’t you wish it were so easy to forgive once and be done?
It’s really ugly sometimes.
Sometimes I have a fear of her being successful.
Sometimes I have a desire to be successful to prove something to her.
Sometimes I have a desire to feel beautiful so that I don’t feel threatened by her.
All bleh.
I know when I worry about this it is just hurting me…. I mean she’s not sitting around thinking about me. I know I have freedom when I forgive. When I love her.
There are some days that are really hard to do that.
There are days that I have to consciously decide to not be bitter at this person. I choose love day after day. I choose forgiveness day after day
And maybe somewhere along the way it will become “natural” and organic? Someday it will be less of a choice. And more of a natural reaction. This is my hope. and my prayer. I don’t want to carry it. I don’t want to have to always have to “choose” love….I want it to be who I am…even with people that I would normally dislike.
” He restores what has been broken and heals what has been wounded. I don’t have peace because I figured it all out. I have peace because I believe in Christ.”
-a beautiful offering
November 9, 2012
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Casey, I really, really need to hear this today. Thank you so much for this post. I am going through a similar situation and it is as if you took the words right from my heart.
It is such a daily struggle and there is some comfort in knowing I am not alone in this daily battle to choose love.
Have you heard Tenth Avenue North's song, Forgiveness? It has been such a great encouragement to me.
"Oh, Father won't You forgive them, They don't know what they've been doing. Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them, Cause I feel like the one losing"
Thanks, Casey. Praying for you.
Oh how inspiring… I too have someone in my life who is very much like this. I don't know what it is… but it's hard. It's hard to make the conscience decision every day to love. On days though when I am successful, by no means because of me but because of the help I receive from Him, those are the days that make me realize it is possible. I will one day be better.
Just heard this very fitting quote today: "Do not waste time bothering whether you 'love' your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him." C.S. Lewis
You are an inspiration, Casey!
Thank you for the reminder. I get so frustrated with myself bc I can't always have the task of forgiving over and done with, but you are right. It's a process, and the best choice is to just continue making the choice of forgiveness and hoping one day it is just a given.
And I so totally relate to the thoughts/fears about the other person. I fight them bc they take away my own peace, but it is quite the battle sometimes.
My own situation happened FIVE years ago, and I still struggle, but I find peace knowing I'm constantly learning from it.
Casey,
I so understand this feeling. I personally just had someone do something so unspeakable to me and said person continues to make it worse. I'm like you, I flee from drama. Hence why I had to take the higher road and walk away from this person entirely. I actually just wrote a blog post about having the "last words". But of course, as Christians, it is so hard to fight against our other nature and do the hard thing…let God take care of it. And when you give it up to him, suddenly, it is not so hard anymore.
Casey, this post was awesome! And there's really not more I can say…loved this so much!
Casey, I feel the same way about conflict. I can't stand drama, therefore I avoid it like the plague. But, sometimes it's good. As Christians, I believe that conflict with others is meant to grow us. It forces us to daily choose to love, which molds us into someone that looks more like Jesus. As He molds us, loving does become more natural. Conflict isn't fun and it doesn't come without its share of growing pains but, in the end, it's worth it.
http://www.domesticblissdiaries.com
From another girl who's in a similar situation too–I hear you & am praying for you.
xoxo
Casey, you have no idea how much I needed to hear this tonight.
I completely understand every emotion you just described.
Thank you for being so open, I really felt encouraged by this.
I know God can work forgiveness in me when I submit to Him: something that does not come naturally. π
Thank you for sharing this tonight. I have a similar situation and it's nice to hear I'm not the only one who feels this way. All you want to do is love and care about, but sometimes it isn't that easy. I really wish it could be. You are an inspiration to keep on trying and praying and hopefully one day, maybe soon, "HE will restore what has been broken."
With all of the snotty comments online these days about people not treating others right, or "forget them, you don't need that in your life", THIS post is a breath of fresh air Casey! Dying to self and loving that person every day as a choice? That is the way God intended it, and that is the type of selfless attitude that we as people need π Thank you for this wonderful post!
thanks for this. i'm sure a lot of people can relate to this, myself included.
I hate conflict too…so much so that I usually avoid things that I actually really need to deal with/confront. I'm working on that. I pray that the choice will become more natural, and that God will give you strength when it doesn't feel easy.
There's someone in my life I have to "constantly forgive," too. Someone I see weekly. At church, nonetheless. He hurt me really badly, and for years, my way of coping was ignoring him and being bitter. After a sermon on forgiveness one Sunday, I messaged him online and told him I'd forgiven him. While I told him, and while he expressed how "godly" I was and how grateful he was, he never…ever…apologized to me. I know we need to forgive even when we weren't given a proper apology…but I feel as though I'm still owed that apology, even after I already told him I've forgiven him, and I struggle with this constantly.
We're human. That's not really an excuse for our need to prove something or our need to REALLY forgive, once and done, but it's a comfort to know God loves us just the same, and He understands…and all we can do is try our hardest…even if it's multiple times a week.
<3
Thanks for posting this. While it saddens me to hear anyone feels like this, its relieving to know that I am not the only one who struggles with this with someone. I recently ended the friendship with her because although I am working at forgiveness everyday, I thought it better for both of us to move on with our lives. It's still rough but its helped and I think we are both happier for it. Good luck. I really hope it becomes natural to get through it. For both you and I. π
girl, you are not alone. thank you for sharing your heart. this post has seriously blessed my heart. I have actually been struggling with a similar thing lately.
that quote that you shared at the end is beautiful. i need to read that book.
blessings to you, sweet girl!
Oh the truth you speak is, although not always easy to live, a beautiful thing.
Sometimes, not always, but sometimes walking away is the best gift you can give to yourself and the other person as well, you know?
xo,
N
localsugarhawaii.com
Wonderful thoughts… I don't like conflict, either, but unfortunately I have to deal with it sometimes, too. I would just love to meet you! You are such a sweet person! Hugs, friend! xoxoxo
Casey, you're such an inspiration! I struggle daily with this exact same thing. It is SO hard waking up in the morning wondering if I'll see that girl around campus who betrayed my trust. You have such a beautiful way with words that connects with your readers. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this struggle!
I'm a new follower & love your blog! Sometimes it's hard to forgive but God never questions whether He should forgive us or not…He just does it and loves us unconditonally. Praise God for that! Loved your post!
http://www.thefancyyanceys.blogspot.com
Wonderful post! This is such a great reminder to always try and do what I know is right not what I feel.
Oh I so relate with this! For me it's when someone hurts me on purpose and despite the understanding that we share a love for Christ, the other person refuses to live according to Scripture.
It sounds so dumb when I write it, but it's so painful when it's happening. Thanks for sharing. I'm glad I'm not the only one. Lisa~
so great friend! I am a lot like you in this issue///I like to avoid conflict, I don't like it///
I read this great quote once about how /// holding onto bitterness or anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
we all have a choice to choose love, choose forgiveness, it is not always easy but we have the best example to follow…christ…b/c he is the ultimate forgiver and healer.
This really speaks to my heart because I'm feeling the exact same way right now over someone. Sigh.
I've got one of these girls. It is a struggle and it hurts. Love this post.
I delt with my unforgivenss this year. Me and this girl had such a history and I felt all those things you do. I never thought I could overcome it, but I've done more than that, she's one of my closest friends now. It still amazes me and I pray that you will be able to find closure and the feeling of truly letting it go.
oh casey – could you and I have a long conversation about this! I am currently in this season of forgiveness myself – only with my soon to be former husband – its so hard – so hard – i get it.
for so long i thought if i was good enough, thin enough, pretty enough, a better cook, etc – then i would be loved enough – but no – and i have to forgive him for not knowing and forgive me for not knowing
blessing to you as you journey through this!
i would love it if you read my post from today!
xoTiffany
me.too. I could say more but those two words sum it up perfectly haha
Well said, and such lovely transparency!
Hey Casey, if it's at all helpful,
a counsellor once told me that forgiveness means you have let go of the pain, but it doesn't mean that the person who hurt you is allowed back into your trust.
I found that distinction SO helpful – as I had thought that to forgive I had to expose myself to the hurt again
My mum also taught me that you're allowed to/need to feel the hurt first, before you can forgive.. otherwise you don't know really what you're forgiving them for.. don't be too hard on yourself.. it's gonna be ok π
I hope that helps
xo
thank you for sharing..I too struggle with this and sometimes I even want to just hate..but it is easier to hate than to love because to love leaves you open to hurt.. forgiveness is sometimes hard but feels so much better in the long run..again thks for sharing your story..
Oh Casey I admire you for writing this! I really appreciate your honesty. Like many of the other girls who have commented, I too have gone through a similar situation and had those very thoughts. It has taken me a very long time to forgive {and sometimes I feel like a failure because I can't just "get over it already"}. I feel like we are in the same "phase" of forgiveness. I just wrote a blog post yesterday {crazy timing!} on what I have learned about forgiveness over the last year. The book "Grown Up Girlfriends" has helped me so. very. much. {I should get paid for how much I promote it!}. Forgiveness frees the soul, girl, and I hope you are able to have victory!
Emily
Hi Casey-
Thanks for this post, I also have someone in my life I'm trying to forgive. A friendship I thought I would have for a lifetime has become so disappointing and its really hard to accept. I needed this today!
Hugs!
Nicole
beautiful post casey. thank you for your honest words. i think forgiveness is something we all struggle with. it reminds me of that song by matthew west, "It's the opposite of how you feel. When the pain they caused is just to real.
It takes everything you have just to say the word…" sometimes it takes every ounce of us, but god is good and faithful and he will set us free π
i just love the honesty here…
i absolutely love this. and agree with it. and totally know what you mean. being bitter seems so much easier sometimes, but really it just makes life ten times harder. thank you for sharing these feelings. you are most definitely not alone π xo.
Just what I needed to hear. I have two people in my life that I have to deal with on a daily basis that I have the exact same feelings about. Forgiving is a daily thing for me and I know I couldn't do it without Christ.
It's my first time commenting but I have been following for awhile. LOVE reading your blog! A good, fashionable Christian blog is not something you find a lot of.
Thank you for this. I too have to forgive someone on a daily basis for the turmoil they have caused and continue to cause in my life. Most days I choose not to forgive and I'm bitter, but I needed this reminder more than ever that life is too short and God has too amazing of plans for me to cloud my vision and thoughts with something as trivial as not forgiving. So thank you, as always, for encouraging me, lifting me up and being the Christ-like person you are.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Sarai
Thank you Casey – I have a girl like too, I did a half way post about her yesterday and as I read your words it was like you had put down on paper what I have in my heart.
xo-
moe
moetalksalot.blogspot.com
And… you spoke to my heart today.
I am in that situation right now.
Just when I think I'm done with it {it comes back}.
Mostly, because it is on going right now. Every time I turn a corner that person is talking bad about my family to some one.
God, help me let go and know you are in control. That everything works for your good and glory.
I respect your honesty because I know we all struggle with this at some point in our lives. I do not handle conflict well and am trying to be the bigger person in a current situation, but sometimes I wish I didn't have to be such a people pleaser and be the one to surrender. My selfish ways want to scream out and make other people pay for what I feel they deserve. But that is why we have forgiveness. We all make mistakes and it's our job to show that same mercy that God has for us daily. I too want to BE love as well. Be strong Casey, God has great things in store for you.
thank you for sharing this. i have a similar situation with a family member who has chosen not to forgive me for something i said that (unintentionally) hurt her. i have since apologized, but we haven't really spoken in a year. it is hard to be cut from someone's life because they can't forgive you. in turn i have harbored ill feelings for her because of her distance. it's just turned into one big mess. all because she can't forgive me and because now i'm hurt and having trouble forgiving her. it's very sad. i just keep praying that i can love her and forgive her and that she can do the same for me. i feel God working on my heart little by little. like you said, some days it's really hard and other day's it comes more naturally.
this is a really beautiful post. I too wish is would come easier, more naturally. I don't like myself when I have to try so hard to forgive. thank you for writing so honestly…
I can relate. Recently the Lord taught me a little more about forgiveness. It isn't something I mentally accept and move on. its something I can help shove into my heart through action..
The cross is an amazing example. He didnt just forgive us but he came down and dined and loved on us. The people who would kill him and deny Him and BETRAY HIM. He acted in forgiveness.
I had to do this. I had to choose to accept walking in forgiveness which burns and hurts the flesh and pride. But God did a great work in my heart through it. He freed me of myself. The unforgiveness only hurts me and will always only hurt me. It eats away and sprouts roots of bitterness, envy even anger.
Keep choosing to walk in forgiveness girl and GOD will do amazing, exceedingly abundant things in your heart.
β₯CheChe
your a beautiful, beautiful woman of GOD π
I know exactly what you mean. Choosing forgiveness every single day. <3
oh girl… my heart is so the same.
i hate conflict.
and avoid it almost AT ALL COSTS!
this isn't always a good thing though.
and i'm learning that sometimes you need to deal with it.
it will makes things better in the long run.
but it's so incredibly hard.
and it hurts.
thinking about you… and sending you hugs!
xo
Loved this post, very honest. I think we all have this at some point in our life and it is such a hard struggle. Hard not to feel that same hurt over and over again every time you have to see them, feel that anger all over again, feel that sting. I have had this with someone that used to be a friend of mine, was constantly having to put down and cut deep with words, and it was hard to begin to put distance there and seek out true friendships…but true people and true friendships are all around us too, not those just out to hurt. I sometimes have to remind myself to greet this person as I think we would greet each other in heaven, and to look at this person as we will look at each other in heaven, not with all the same hurts but with forgiveness and the with the sole purpose of praising our LORD. That has helped me, reminded me to keep a better focus, and put better thoughts in my mind.
Many blessing to you!
hey casey! i'm working through something similar in my heart, especially so tonight, and i came across this post. what a comfort to read this, thank you! here's a prayer by st. francis and tweaked my mother teresa that helps me:
Lord, make me a channel of thy peace.
That where there is hatred I may bring love,
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness,
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony,
That where there is error I may bring truth,
That where there is doubt I may bring faith,
That where there is despair I may bring hope,
That where there are shadows I may bring light,
That where there is sadness I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort that to be comforted,
To understand than to be understood,
To love than to be loved.
For it is by forgetting self that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven,
it is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.
Amen.
I worry a lot and even though I know in my heart and soul that there is nothing that I can do to change the out come, I still worry. It is silly of me and I completely understand how you are feeling and why.
Thank you for a great post.
Lou
http://www.thekeypieces.co.uk
I love you and your honesty. Forgiveness can really be that thing that we have to do again and again and again until it just IS. One of the things I've been leaning this year is that by choosing a behavior ove and over it eventually becomes a habit and that habit becomes truth. Sending a prayer that the choice gets easier for you. Xoxo.
I love you and your honest heart!! Good for you doing it and doing it and doing it – some day the habit of forgiving her will be automatic and you won't even have to think about it. Praying it happens soon. Xoxo.
I love you and your honesty. Forgiveness can really be that thing that we have to do again and again and again until it just IS. One of the things I've been leaning this year is that by choosing a behavior ove and over it eventually becomes a habit and that habit becomes truth. Sending a prayer that the choice gets easier for you. Xoxo.