Meet the teacher night, I left the kiddos at home with my mama and drove up to school by myself. Chris was out of town all that week so I slipped in through the door and sat down in Aiden’s little desk.
Peeking inside at where he placed his books and how how he lined up his stuff.
I sat there looking around imagining what it is he is thinking about when he sits in this very spot. Thinking about all the ways he will grow in this chair.
Often when the kiddos were little babies I would think when they were bigger it would be easier for me to share them. I would think, then they will be able to speak for themselves! Then they will hear my words differently and know absolutely how I feel.
It didn’t get easier. it got harder.
I know their little dreams and fears and thoughts and now more than then I worry about their little hearts.
In the First grade meeting, Aiden’s sweet teacher said “some things never change.” As a mama to a grown boy who she will send off to college at the end of the year, with tears in her eyes- you could see her heart. We all filled out forms the first day of school and one of the questions was “what are you most worried about for your child this year?”
Hurt feelings when I am not there, feeling left out, his tender heart hurt.
Some things never change she said.
18 years old and those are still her worries for her baby.
I was thinking yesterday as I drove home from carpool line that I never expected these parts of motherhood. It seems so obvious yet my mind barely visited these situations before I arrived here.
The tears when you realize they are navigating a hard situation away from you, the pit in your stomach when you are wondering who they will sit by at lunch or when you see them fail for the first time.
But then also the joyful tears when you see them overcome. It’s in the overcoming that comes the growth.
And in the growth the celebration!