Dear Aiden, Dear Ainsleigh, Dear Apple.
This week your dad and I have been on a trip and when we were reaching the West Texas mountains and the breathtaking views, the sunlight streaking through the clouds, Chris played me this song (listed above). I had been telling him that so often I feel like everyone around me is just happy-go-lucky existing, just skipping through life and I am stranded fighting this intense heartbreaking battle. The battle of knowing what I have, how much I love it and the melancholy reality that it could be lost. It’s a love so deep yet the a heavy burden, a reality, that I could lose it. It’s like mourning a loss, a fear, that hasn’t even happened.
Your dad played me this song as God’s creation and His majesty just screamed at me. It made me weep, it took my breath away, it moved me in incredible ways.
My loves… You, alone, are enough.
(sometimes I just grab your sweet faces, put my hands on your cheeks, squish your face close to mine and say that looking right into your eyes)
There isn’t a thing in the world that you need to do to earn my love, to prove anything to me, to earn anything from me…. you have it all.
I am the proudest to be your mama, I am honored, thrilled, overwhelmed that I was chosen to be the mama to each of you.
Sometimes the amount that I love you squeezes my insides so deep, I think I won’t breathe, I think I won’t survive.
I don’t want to miss a thing, I don’t want to take a moment for granted and I surely want to leave each moment and each day like it could be my last.
My days with you three are gifts. Greater than any treasure on earth. Time is the most valuable thing in the world, I will never ever forget that.
I want your life to be a beautiful adventure FILLED with love and happiness. I want you to have confidence and soar with stability.
I want to walk along side you as you choose a prom dress or the day that you score your first big win. Or the day that you lose. The days that you need to pick up all of the pieces.
I want to see you choose a college and I want to be there on your wedding day and I want to scream with excitement and jump for joy as you expect your first little one. These are all GIFTS, these moments aren’t promised to me yet I long for them.
I want to walk next to you through the trials and see you find your way.
This life is a crazy beautiful adventure and I want to take in every moment of it.